WASHINGTON, DC — Despite persistent rumors in the Washington Post and constant Internet buzz to the contrary, Treasury Secretary Henry “Bald Is Beautiful” Paulson and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben “Beard Is Beautiful” Bernanke deny they are having a “bromance.” “Unless that means we’ve shared an occasional Scotch and Bromo Seltzer, it’s a bunch of hooey,” Bernanke told reporters from the Wall Street Journal and People magazine camped outside his office.
Friends of both men confirm the bromance, but declined to comment on record. “Those two are like Barney Stinson and Ted Mosby, only without the sexual innuendos … unless you count that costume party when they painted nipples on their bald heads and came as Dolly Parton’s chest,” said a former Fed chairman who was succeeded by Bernanke. “If their lives were a sitcom, it’d be called ‘How I Met Your Broker’.”
“I can’t believe they get along so well because they’re total opposites. I nicknamed them the Odd Lot Couple,” said the CEO of a firm that rhymes with Boldman Whacks. “Hank’s office looks like the Three Stooges had a paper fight there, while you could eat off of Ben’s floor. In fact, that’s one of the things he makes people do before they can get an appointment to see him.”
Even President Bush has seen evidence of a Paulson-Bernanke bromance. “When they were workin’ on the bailout, they were stuck together like two peas on a baby, or somethin’ like that.”
Both men’s wives refused to comment on the bromance, but each admitted they’ve spent a lot of time together recently watching Oprah, eating cookie dough and filling out Cosmo quizzes.