San Jose, CA – A new product premiered this week at the national meeting of the Association of Corporate Efficiency Officers. Fast Fiber promises to cut morning bathroom breaks by fifty percent. Fast Fiber is an odorless, colorless, liquid, dietary supplement that, when ingested on a regular basis, markedly speeds elimination time.
“Slip this into the water cooler and your top people will be out of the stall at back at their desks,” said Steve Snid, Director of Marketing for Fast Fiber manufacturer, Branmore. “For even faster results, management can introduce it into the coffee supply.”
Branmore started development on Fast Fiber last spring after a productivity study revealed the typical male executive spent an average of 37.5 minutes per day in the restroom. That on-the-clock bathroom usage hits the bottom line.
“It represents millions of dollars literally going down the drain,” said Snid. “We knew this was an opportunity to make a real difference.”
In a test run at one San Jose consulting firm, results were almost immediate. “Suddenly, I’m in and out of there,” Scott Crandell said of his restroom visitation. “I actually have to read the sports page after work now.”
Other products in development by Branmore include a PMS counteractive additive for female executives and a medicated chewing gum to ADD in creative staff.