DES MOINES, IA – Less than a week after its grand opening, Iowa-based Corntinental Airlines – the first airline to fly jets powered exclusively by ethanol fuel – has shut down operations, stranding thousands of passengers still wearing their complimentary corn-husk hats at airports in Nebraska, Kansas and Idaho. Air traffic controllers complained that the specially-modified Boeing 7E7 jets caused mass congestion at airports because other pilots refused to taxi behind them. “They couldn’t handle the sweet smell of success,” said Alan Grasfurd, CEO of Corntinental. “Actually, it was the smell of French fries and fried chicken,” revealed a pilot from another airline, who asked to remain anonymous because the interview took place in the airport bar. “One whiff and my passengers were slamming their tray tables, throwing pretzels and screaming for food. I had to go back to the gate before they chewed their way into the cockpit.” Grasfurd promised refunds and little bottles of 190-proof ethanol to all stranded passengers. He plans to try again next year with passenger-pedal-powered 300-seat gossamer-winged aircraft. “People will do anything for $29 seats to L.A.,” said Grasfurd.