Portland, OR – Doug and Melinda Reynolds of Portland, Oregon have watched enough Nanny 911 to recognize the behavior problems in their young sons Cage and Preston. They tried all the non-violent methods they could find including time out, rational arguments, and even bribery with chicken nuggets and Legos. Nothing worked. While they knew the logical next step was spanking, neither had the heart.
“I just couldn’t see abusing my own child like that,” said Melinda Reynolds. But once the boys lit the neighbor’s cat on fire, something had to give. That’s where the brainchild of ex-cop and entrepreneur Vic Thomas came in. His company, OutSpank, sent a Certified Spanking Consultant (CSC) to the Reynolds home to discipline their problem children.
“Parents have full control over the severity and duration of spanking sessions,” Thomas said. OutSpank provides an add on service for the pre-spanking routine, including pre-recorded threats and a handy chart parents can follow to know just how often to summon their personal CSC.
“We’d never hit our boys,” said Doug Reynolds. “But it became clear that they needed the snot smacked out of them.”
OutSpank isn’t just for pacifists. A lot of parents are finding it’s easier and safer to have an objective party do the actual spanking. “Before I got hooked up with OutSpank, I was afraid I’d kill that kid. My CSC has kept me out of prison countless times,” said Marvin Oster, loyal customer.
“I’m really a public servant,” said company owner Vic Thomas, who was once investigated by the Portland Police Department for use of excessive violence with minor suspects. “All these kids need is a little tough love. I’m happy to help.”