CALIFORNIA – With the Dow tumbling into a technical Bear market today there’s no doubt that Americans are feeling the strain of their wallets, but the financial woes are doing more than just pinching our pennies, they’re changing our society too. Already the way we speak, act and interpret situations has come under the sway of our rapidly declining economy and nowhere is this more evident than in the world of dating.
Sites such as EHarmony and Match.com are already seeing the direct impact of this phenomenon. Profiles with names such as “HighMileageClub” and “SexNEthanol500” are already sprouting up all over the lonely singles with internet industry. Yet most analysts say this is only the tip of the iceberg.
Attempting to profit from what is currently speculated as the “next big thing” Calvin Klein has already begun production on a new men’s cologne named “The Dirty Speculator.” Which has the fragrant aroma of raw gasoline, cocaine laden dollar bills and lies.
“We wanted to capture the scent and feel of the Market Speculator. We wanted to really take you into his office, show you where he drives up oil prices by lying and saying complete bullshit!. It’s sexy.” said Calvin Klein spokeswoman Natalie Swindleberger.
Calvin Klein may have tapped into just the right Market with this new concept for the American dating scene. A recent survey conducted by People With Degrees shows that when asked what they look for in a man, an alarming 73% of women said that a man who smells of gasoline or a gas-station was a major turnon. In addition, a rising 61% of women say that a man with qualities such as being “light, sweet and crude” are all highly desired. Yet perhaps the most disturbing revelation was that most women simply said that they were looking for a “well oiled” or “oily” man these days.
These numbers however were not reflected when People With Degrees questioned men. The vast majority of men, continued to respond as they historically had, saying that an ideal mate would be described as: “cheap”, “easy”, and “with a lot of tread on the tires.”
Even the adult entertainment industry is seeing these strange new shenanigans. One phone-sex operator reported getting at least fifty customers a day requesting that she “talk financial” to them. We asked if we could listen in on one of their conversations and under terms of anonymity we were shocked at what we heard.
Caller: Hey baby, what are you investing in… is it sexy?
Operator: Uhm, I’m investing in oil import futures.
Caller: Yeah you like that oil. You like it good and crude.
Operator: Oh yeah, I’m investing it all in oil futures.
Caller: I got some huge inflation right now baby, you gonna help me hedge this?
At this point the call becomes too graphic for print. However it ends with what the caller describes as a “market rebound.”
Keep in mind in the following weeks and months that while you may be feeling the crunch at the pump. Or watching the rising price of food with disdain, the market is reaching far deeper into our society and our lives than we could have ever imagined. Now is the time to consider what kind of future we’re paving for our children, be it light or dark, sweet or crude.