PLANO, TX – Hours after Metromedia Restaurant Group – the parent company of the Bennigan’s restaurant chain – announced that the once-popular Irish-themed chain had filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy protection and will shut its doors, executives at Bennigan’s revealed plans to reorganize and reopen as an Irish dating service. “Irish couples on dates were our most loyal customers right up until the end,” said CEO Miley O’Reilly. “Without us, they have nowhere to go for a beer, Irish appetizers, Irish whiskey, a beer, good Irish food, a beer, traditional Irish desserts, a beer and Irish coffee.”
Once the restaurants have been closed and the tables, kitchen equipment and other assets have been sold, O’Reilly and her crews will begin converting each location into an Irish dating service and meeting club called Get Lucky, starting with the Boston flagship. Applicants must prove their Irish heritage with either DNA samples, red hair, Catholic school uniform or Boston Police Department badge. Smashing chairs or other temper tantrums are insufficient evidence. When asked if this wasn’t a form of stereotyping, O’Reilly laughed and said, “Sure, but it’s the only way to keep out lonely English women.”
After paying their membership fee, photos of the Irish singles will be posted on the walls, along with vital statistics, biographies and Catholic parish they belong to. Meet-ups will be scheduled every night but Sunday for members to check each other out in person. A karaoke machine will be provided with a full selection of songs by U2, The Cranberries, The Pogues and Thin Lizzy. The machine is programmed to self-destruct if anyone attempts to bring down the mood by playing “Danny Boy.”
Since the liquor licenses and food permits are gone, the dating events will be BYOBS – bring your own beer and stew. O’Reilly hopes to eventually serve meals again, mostly duck dishes. “It’s not traditionally Irish,” she admitted, “but I like the idea of a sign over the door that says: “Come to Get Lucky, stay for the ducky.””