Surprised and elated by the unusually positive feedback he’s getting for helping out Ed McMahon by buying Ed’s foreclosed Beverly Hills mansion and leasing it back to him, Donald Trump has offered to buy Cleveland – the U.S. city hardest hit by the mortgage crisis – and lease it back to its residents. “I don’t really know Cleveland,” said The Donald. “Is that the one with the burning river or the polka museum?” When informed that both were true, Trump said, “Well, I’d be honored to help anyway.”
Former Cleveland mayor and Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich is rumored to be behind the deal. He and Trump were spotted last week leaving the same Manhattan hair salon, The Flying Carpet. Kucinich is hoping the buyout will propel him to a Democratic presidential nomination in 2012, or at least a spot on “Dancing With The Stars.”
Trump has not disclosed how he will finance the buyout, other than to say he plans to check out the Cleveland housing market by renting “The Christmas Story,” a popular movie filmed in Cleveland. “Maybe I can get them to throw in an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock,” hinted The Donald.
Cleveland residents have mixed feelings about Trump buying their city. “I don’t really know Donald Trump,” said lifelong Cleveland resident Ed ‘The Cougher’ Flembowski. “Is he the one with the funny hair or the bad attitude?” When informed that both were true, Flembowski said, “Well, we’ll take what we can get. Does he like bowling?” Others were not so enthusiastic. “I’m not paying rent to a New York Yankees fan,” said Veronica ‘Lake’ Ephect. “Next he’ll probably try and buy LeBron James and lease him back to us.” When told of her comment, Trump asked for Veronica’s phone number so he could call and thank her for the idea.
Business leaders in Cleveland are excited about having the real estate mogul as their new landlord. “Maybe he’ll turn Cleveland into another Atlantic City,” said local accordion maker B.R. Barrell. “All we need are some casinos. We’ve already got the hookers and seedy hotels.”
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