“With the rising fuel costs, gangs are going to jog-by shootings. That means their members need to be in tip top physical shape,” says BCBS spokesperson Emma Johnson. “More and more of the gangs are requiring physicals before you join and we want to tap the market while it’s hot.”
“Yeah, we tried rolling in a Prius but there ain’t even enough room up in there for a dozen AK-47-s. Man need a rocket launcher, he can forget about it,” gang leader Smokey D told us. “Now we got a weight room and some souped up treadmills. We just grab a gun and some Nikes and we’re ready to rumble.”
Then new True Blue Gangsta physicals will include cholesterol screening, a high blood pressure and diabetes check and a thorough cardio screening for half the price of a normal physical. The thing that makes the new plan so affordable is that there will be no testing for drugs or STD’s. “Our customers will only be paying for the services they need,” stated Ms. Johnson. “It’s a win-win situation.”
BCBS is currently offering this pilot program in Los Angeles and New York City only. They anticipate a 32% increase in sales this quarter and an even bigger jump next year when they will offer their program to gangs in all 50 states.