Sony Unveils Vaio Fireplace Starter

TOKYO — Sony Inc. (motto: “Your TV isn’t too big … your wall is too small!”) unveiled its first product in the fireplace starter market: the Sony Vaio Power Kindling Kit. “We’re serious about starting fires,” said Oki Muskoki, Sony’s new VP of PK (Power Kindling). “We will have 440,000 Power Kindling Kits in the stores by the end of the month.”

The Sony Vaio Power Kindling Kit is based on the popular Sony Vaio TZ series laptop computers, which have mysteriously disappeared from store shelves in recent days. The kit consists of the PK unit and a dual-purpose cord which is used for powering up the unit and then for yanking it out of the fireplace when the fire starts. Users are instructed to place the unit in the fireplace, surround it with twigs, newspapers and old Vaio laptop brochures, and then plug it in and stand back. With seconds, improperly placed wires in the unit overheat and set the kindling ablaze. “It’s a pretty sight,” said Muskoki. “Those Vaio laptop brochures burn in really bright colors. We recommend using as many as you can find.”

Sony’s lawyers assure customers that the Vaio Power Kindling Kit is not dangerous when used properly. “Just keep it away from children, old people and inebriated adults and you’ll be fine,” said Muskoki. Sony engineers are testing a wider version of the Vaio Power Kindling Kit that will be available around Christmas under the name Sony Vaio Home Benihana Kit. The Benihana Kit converts the Vaio screen into a flat cooking surface for shrimp, chicken and scrambled eggs. “We’re still working out a few bugs,” said Muskoki. “It’s tough sharpening a mouse into a chopping knife.