Descendants of George Washington Cancel Endorsement of Dollar Bill

The United States dollar, one of the most recognizable brands in the world, literally lost face Monday when the George Washington estate canceled its endorsement of the symbol of America’s fading economic might. A great-great-great-nephew of the first president convinced the rest of the family to pull the endorsement after a recent trip to Toronto where he heard Canadians telling American dollar jokes.

The announcement caused the dollar’s value to continue to fall against other world currencies. Though the Washington family denies it, unnamed source indicated that representatives of the estate has been talking to the makers of euros, yens and Starbucks coupons.

The Washington dollar ranks among the elite endorsement deals in the world, ranked just behind Air Jordan shoes, Jared Fogle and Subway Restaurants, and the George Foreman Grill. The family says it will continue to endorse the Washington Monument and Washington DC, but is considering its options on Washington state and the Redskins.

The government must now scramble to find an appropriate symbol of the United States for the new 2009 bills. A Treasury spokesperson said candidates include Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, and the Coca-Cola bottle. Also under consideration are a slice of apple pie, a Playboy Playmate and Michael Phelps.

The Washington estate is sticking with the quarter for now. It doesn’t want to lose that coin to the estate of Abraham Lincoln, which has long expressed dissatisfaction with the penny. According to a descendant of Lincoln, “The penny is worthless. Honest.”

President George W. Bush, onetime part-owner of the Texas Rangers, suggested saluting America’s national pastime by designing the face of the quarter to look like a baseball. “The Rangers offered to give me 10% of the team if it’s one of their balls,” said the president. “I’ll bet I can get 20% of the Indians if I put their logo back on the nickel.”