With Washington finally admitting the country is in a recession, Hollywood is rushing to produce Christmas specials that reflect the times. Here’s a few coming soon — check your local listings for broadcast times:
MIRACLE ON WALL STREET
An old man tries to convince workers on Wall Street that he’s the real Kris Kringle. One little girl believes him, but is disappointed when Kris can’t answer her wish for a $50 million bonus for her CEO daddy. Kris finally convinces her that a dollar plus a get-out-of-jail-free card is worth $50 million.
SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN AND HE’S PISSED!
Santa checks his naughty-nice list for Detroit and it’s 80 percent naughty, so he’s forced to swap his sleigh for a freight train loaded with coal.
HOW THE GRINCH COULD AFFORD CHRISTMAS
The Grinch’s present to the residents of Whoville is a free lecture on the concepts of savings, balanced portfolios and off-shore tax shelters.
A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS PARTY
Charlie Brown downsizes the baseball team’s annual Christmas party by holding it in a doghouse, serving a tiny roast bird and replacing the gift exchange with a game called “Where’s Woodstock?”
A CHRISTMAS SORRY
Santa is forced to arm himself with a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle when the children riot because his response to every gift request is “I’m sorry.”
THE LITTLE DUMBER BOY
A little boy blows his chance to meet the Messiah when he gets a subprime loan to buy a manger and is forced to sell it and vacate the premises two days before Christmas.
A VERY BRADY CHRISTMAS – THE REAL STORY
Marcia becomes a hooker and drug dealer and then must make up a story about working for AIG and getting a bailout when she’s the only Brady who can afford Christmas presents.
FROSTY THE REPO MAN
The children put a magic baseball cap on the head of a snowman, turning him into a cold repo man who repossesses all of their toys, trees and sleds until he’s melted by the heat from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Treasury Secretary burning foreclosure notices.