WASHINGTON, DC — CEOs of firms in the struggling shoe industry (motto: “Don’t Stop Treading On Me”) are rejoicing after their companies recorded record sales following the worldwide broadcast of President Bush having a pair of shoes thrown at him by a journalist in Baghdad. “This is better than a bailout,” said John “Son” Murphy, a lobbyist for the industry. “We were just getting ready to have three shoe CEOs walk to Washington in their bare feet to appeal to Congress for help.”
Using the Freedom of Information Act, the shoe executives are demanding that the Secret Service release the brand name of the shoes. “They looked like Florsheims to me, “said Rocky Porte, spokesperson for the company. “Our wingtips are the most aerodynamic shoes on the market.” “We’ve blown the video up and they’re definitely Hush Puppies,” argues Bert N. Sock, sales manager for Hush Puppies. “They had a light Hush Puppy floatiness to them that gave the president time to duck out of the way.”
The shoe executives are hoping to take full advantage of the month President Bush has left in office. “We’re studying his travel schedule and shipping free shoes to every reporter who may be in a presidential press conference,” said Saxon D. Sittie, owner of a Manhattan shoe store. “That include Manolo Blahniks for the female reporters. We’re putting rubber tips on the stiletto heels so the president doesn’t have another ‘pretzel incident’.”
While the Secret Service is nervous about the shoe-throwing trend, President Bush is happy to be able to help a struggling industry without having to spend any taxpayer money. “Just don’t throw any flip-flops at me!” said the president. “I don’t want to sound like that guy in Chicago with the name I can’t pronounce, but I’ll hold a press conference in Cuba for the first company that gives me a lifetime supply of custom-made cowboy boots.”